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[dawnwillcome]

Leave me a message if something has happened that I should know about.

If this is about saving the world, press 1.
If something needs to be done about Dorian, please press 2.

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voice

[dawnwillcome]

[Speaking using just the voice function of these communicators has never been Jove's first choice, but she's glad for it now. She wouldn't want Cullen to see her face while he says all this.

He still looks at his struggle with lyrium as though it's something to be ashamed of when it's the exact opposite. He should be proud of his strength, but instead he only sees weakness and he won't even let her try to help him.]

I understand. [She doesn't.] I'll see to it she's well cared for. She's a sweet girl.

voice

[serves]

She is. I hate doing this to her.

[Now, how to voice this next part.]

Later, if I'm--if it's not too much trouble, may I come see you?

[He's sure he'll be fine, later.]

[dawnwillcome]

I'm sure she would have understood if you had told her you were sick.

[And it would have been better than making it seem as though he were letting her down in favor of spending his time doing something else, even if he had used repairs as his explanation. Elize is still a child and disappointment is disappointment no matter what reasons are given to justify it.]

Are you sure that's wise?

[serves]

I didn't want her to try to come and take care of me.

[If he's miserable when Jove offers, imagine how it'd be with a child.]

Or--if you'd like to come here. I do want to see you, just... not like this.

[dawnwillcome]

The people who care about you won't think any less of you when you aren't at your best, Cullen. We think you're stronger for being able to bear what you do. [She pauses there.] I think you're stronger.

And I was going to come after taking her back home with or without your invitation, so I suppose you'll know I'm coming this way.

[serves]

I don't feel stronger.

[He just feels sick.]

Take care, Jove.

[dawnwillcome]

Try to get some rest. I'll let you know I'm on my way after I drop her off.

[serves]

Thank you.

[Now to try and not vomit all over his cot.]

[dawnwillcome]

[After leave Elize safely at home on her ship, Jove does exactly as she had promised and sends Cullen a quick text message before heading over to his ship. On Mor she had done her fair share of gardening, but that hadn't been the only thing she'd made sure to collect. When she arrives at Cullen's door she has with her a very mild broth made from dried meat still left over from the trip to Mor, certain it's unlikely he's had anything to eat today and wanting to be sure if he does try, it'll be something he's used to, something other than the strange rations they have in space.

A little familiarity when one is feeling terrible seems like it would be soothing, is all. She knocks lightly just in case he's sleeping and missed her message, not wanting to wake him if she can avoid it.]

[serves]

[Sleep doesn't come easily, especailly so when it's a bad day. He sweats, he shivers, but eventually his body gives up and he falls into a fitful sleep. He sleeps through the text and through the knocking.

The door leading to the ladder is unlocked, however, as he knew she'd be coming by. There's a loose linen shirt on the floor, thrown off when it was far too stifling. He's face down on the cot, hair no longer smoothy pushed back.

It's been a long day.]

[dawnwillcome]

[When there's no answer Jove tries the door, lets herself in and silently makes her way into his room. She leaves the broth on his desk and scoops up the shirt, folds it and leaves it on a chair when she doesn't immediately see where he keeps his dirty clothes. It must have been bad this time if he hadn't woken at all, if he was exhausted enough to sleep through all this, and Jove very nearly sees herself out to let him rest.

She will, she decides, but first she steps silently over to him and reaches down to brush her fingers through his hair, carefully pushing it off his forehead. She doesn't expect that to wake him when she hasn't already, after all.]

[serves]

[But of course it does. Her cool fingers through his hair, damp from sweat, rouses him from his sleep. He looks startled, for a moment, and then rolls onto his side.]

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you--[His voice is thick from the few hours of sleep he's managed.]

How's Elize?

[Priorities.]

[dawnwillcome]

[Well shit. With a sigh, Jove sits on the edge of his bed.]

She's just fine, if a little sad she wasn't able to see you. I'm sorry I woke you, I had intended to go, but...

[But she had to stop and touch him first? No, she'll just trail off there and not finish that sentence.]

[serves]

[He rolls onto his back. He doesn't mind that she woke him up, though he takes a moment to rub the sleep out his eyes with one hand. The other reaches for Jove's knee.]

I'm sorry.

[dawnwillcome]

[She covers his hand with hers and gives it a gentle squeeze.]

Stop doing that.

[serves]

[He sighs.]

I owe Elize the bigger apology.

[dawnwillcome]

You'll make it up to her when you're feeling better. I'll be sure to hold you to it, in fact.

[Another smile, trying to draw one out of him. Her poor Commander.]

[serves]

She wants to spend time with the both of us. Together.

[He smiles, but it's more of a self-deprecating one.]

I never thought I'd be hiding this from a child.

[dawnwillcome]

Hopefully the next planet will be somewhere a child would enjoy, then. We could take her there together.

[And there goes her smile, fading into a concerned frown as she reaches out to lay her hand on his shoulder.]

Don't do this to yourself, Cullen. There's nothing shameful about what you're going through.

[serves]

This may never get better. It could get worse, in fact. The spirit and the body don't always have the same perseverance.

[dawnwillcome]

It could just be a case of your body still in the process of healing itself. [Her hand leaves his shoulder so she can run her fingers through his hair again, soothing and affectionate to balance out how cruel he's being to himself.] I choose to believe it's only a matter of time, and you have plenty of that.

[serves]

[He closes his eyes as she speaks, as her fingers comb through his hair. His head aches and there's that hollow emptiness somewhere deep. His mind insists lyrium would fix the hurt and make everything easier, but his heart knows better. Besides, it's worlds away. A small blessing should his resolve ever crack.]

Time can't fix everything. [The withdrawal, the nightmares--he's a broken man no matter which way you cut it.]

[dawnwillcome]

[It's quite clear that nothing she says is going to get him to sway at all, so Jove just sighs and goes on stroking his hair. She wishes she could fix this, but the important problems are rarely the easy ones to see to.]

I brought some broth, if you feel up to eating. Perhaps it would help.

[serves]

[He did this. Sometimes he thinks this is his penance, for all that he let happen.

The hand on her knee grasps, lightly. He's afraid of his hands trembling.]

This helps.

[The pain in his skull seems to lessen with each pass of her hand.]

[dawnwillcome]

[That gets a soft smile from her.]

You can be unbearably sweet, did you know that? Here.

[She pulls away then, but only so she can settle herself onto his bed. With his pillows propped up behind her she lounges back and then opens her arms to him, clearly inviting him to come curl up against her.]

This should be even more helpful.